This piece below came from a Cuban male friend. For the sake of this post, lets call him Orlando.
Amigos, I realize that among foreigners there's a new myth gaining force, but the interesting thing about it is that it is a myth based on a true fact. It is the myth of the Cuban man who doesn't care about her partner and is bad in bed.
All countries of the world are FULL of men who do not give a damn about women, so why is this emphasis on the Cuban case? I mean, every 12 minutes a woman is raped in the USA.
All over the world, there are men who are good in bed and who are not. What foreigners fail to recognize is that a large amount of Cuban men who have sex with foreign women do it motivated for money. Do not expect a good performance in bed from a man who doesn't really want YOU.
On the other hand, there's a lot of women (Cubans and foreigners) who have married Cuban men and would not change them for anything in this world. Do not be blind to that reality. Many women from around the world have found in Cuban men what their local counterparts haven't been able to give them. That is also a fact.
If you say most Cuban men don't care, I am telling you, open up your eyes and don't be so unfair. They may be macho when compared to a Canadian guy, but they do care when they see you as a person, not as cash. Cuban people in general are caring people, they are warm and men do care about women a lot. Do not expect a man to care for you and give it all in bed when you are a synonym of CA$H.
............do not dwell in the fantasy that Cuban men are actually bad in bed. I am really sorry for all those foreign women who go there expecting a young man to work wonders on a 70 year old. That won't work anywhere in this world.
And to dispel the new myth one more time, use your logic. I have never in my entire lifetime heard a Cuban woman saying she doesn't like Cuban men because they are bad in bed, and that is why they prefer foreigners. I mean, if Cuban men are that bad, why not go for something better?
There are lots of relationships between Cubans and foreigners where both are happy in bed, but I've never heard about sexual satisfaction as an incentive for Cuban women to pursue foreigners. There are also a lot of foreign women resented for not having found the stereotype they were searching for.
I read it somewhere, in an interview with a musician who had moved to Cuba, who said that all transactions between Cubans and foreigners were economic, or had an economic aspect to them. A statement which I tend to agree with.
I would also add that I think all 'intimate' relationships between men and women anywhere in the world have an economic aspect to them as well.
Comments?
The logic doesn't follow -- if a Cuban man is with a foreigner for $ then he should "please" her all the more to make sure he gets more money, age and looks are not even important if it's a financial transaction he is working for a tip and knows better service = $. Maybe they should give classes!
Posted by: jajaja | 12/28/2005 at 16:22
Jajaja, you are forgetting several things that are super important here, and that's why you can't see the logic. What leads most men to give sex for $$$ is POVERTY, not ruthlessness. And having a value conflict does affect "performance".
Another common case is, Cuban men know they have an international "reputation" of being good lovers; that's why some think that anything they would do would be a "wonderful job" for a foreign woman who comes from those countries "where men are so cold".
My advice is, let the Cuban women judge.
Posted by: | 12/28/2005 at 20:02
hahahahahahah!!!!!!
What is "Orlando" so afraid of?
There are men in all cultures who are bad in bed and men of the all the same cultures who are "good in bed'. it really depends on the connection between two people. granted if there is some sort of economic 'benefit'for one it could affect his self-esteem and so the relationship between the two people involved.
it is only a cuban that i can imagine (because we see it everyday...)with an much older woman/or man in order to have their needs met (usually not physical or emotional, but financial).
So sorry they feel humiliated about the idea of being judged by not being able to get it up for their sugar mama/daddies. There is no need. Most people would not be able to. Most would never judge a culture on whether or not they are good in bed, or care...
But most people wouldn't go there...
I'm still laughing! hahahahahahah!
Posted by: | 12/29/2005 at 00:44
oops! that was me...still laughing!!!hahahahahahah!
Posted by: kika | 12/29/2005 at 00:47
You instigator you, putting "Orlando's" post on the blog!...
Ya gotta feel for Orlando - all these years he's had to live up to the Latin Lover image, which he can probably take great pride in, and all of a sudden some of his countrymen are giving Cuban lovin' a bad rap. It gets a little complicated with Orlando, though, because not only does he want to distance himself from those brutes, but at the same time he wants people to sympathize with them on some level, all while saying, that's not ME!!!
I tend to agree a little w/ one of the respondants, however. If a male jinatera is truly interested in milking his sugarmama, it's in his best interest to try a little tenderness...
It's my theory that the reports of lack-of-finesse on the part of some Cuban males is probably more analagous to gangsta sex in the States: if you're about being dominant, part of your image is owning and conquering women and pleasing yourself, without much thought to your partner's needs. Mysoginists the world over show a great facility for attracting women and then treating them badly. Doesn't say much for female critical thinking, does it? If women want good lovers, then we gotta be extra savvy about all those other sensitivity cues beyond how hot they look or how sweet they talk...
Keep this in mind:
A) One individual does not represent his entire race/culture.
B) Two bad experiences with someone from the same race/culture does not negate A)
C) If you repeatedly have experiences like B), then you are probably choosing the wrong people to say Yes to!
Even if you're a sexual tourist in an island paradise filled w/ beautiful tanned boyz, you still gotta remember that hot sex doesn't exist without tension & chemistry, and meaningful sex doesn't materialize without a relationship developing. Anything less is just - LESS - no matter how skilled the guy is.
We can't judge people who are mercenary about their bodies. Especially when they've got few options. But it's also unfair for us to expect them to respect us. And with a lot of people, performance hinges on respect...
Where we go wrong on this planet is thinking we walk a higher road than the jinateras. We don't. We all pay and we all bend over for everything. Repeatedly. Sometimes for years. Sometimes 'til our partners have lost all respect for us, and we for them...
My 2 cents is that ALL relationships are economically driven. What is this going to do for me? What am I willing to give for it? What is it's real value?
If EVERYONE honestly asked themselves these questions all the time, then there would be a lot less blaming going on in the world, and a lot more accepting of ones own role in any relationship.
Sorry once again for letting my philosophical ramblings put a damper on the fun of jousting, but hey, it's just how I express myself.
(btw, I love men who wink...)
Chinita
Posted by: chinita | 12/29/2005 at 23:10
Many good points Chinita.
Is it not still laughable that someone finds the fear of being considered a bad lover based on some people's experiences with Cubans so upsetting? Cuz I cannot stop giggling about this one. And I really am not an evil person.
I cannot imagine judging a culture and a nation by bad sex. I wouldn't even judge a person that way. Sometimes things work between people. Sometimes they don't. Whether or not there is a financial component.
What I find so unsettling (and funny) is that "Orlando" is so worried that how people's opinions will affect his sex life.
It's so sad....
Posted by: kika | 12/30/2005 at 01:45
Kika
where in orlando's post does he say anything like this?
I'm quoting you
"So sorry they feel humiliated about the idea of being judged by not being able to get it up for their sugar mama/daddies."
Posted by: bb | 12/30/2005 at 09:18
What Orlando needs to learn is that you can't have your cake y comerlo tambien.
Posted by: jajaja | 12/30/2005 at 13:09
Kika, what you're saying doesn't make sense at all. I have no fear whatsoever. I'm just addressing an issue and I'm actually not addressing anything personal here. I'm keping my private sexual life separate from all this. Unlike you, I just observe the dynamics of Cuban culture and state my opinion about it, and I find this to be an interesting topic. I don't want to sound offensive in anyway, but your giggling is baseless, and it contains a little dosis of disrespect that in the first place makes me realize I was right when I decided to go anonymous.
Posted by: | 12/30/2005 at 13:29
Kika, what you're saying doesn't make sense at all. I have no fear whatsoever. I'm just addressing an issue and I'm actually not addressing anything personal here. I'm keping my private sexual life separate from all this. Unlike you, I just observe the dynamics of Cuban culture and state my opinion about it, and I find this to be an interesting topic. I don't want to sound offensive in anyway, but your giggling is baseless, and it contains a little dosis of disrespect that in the first place makes me realize I was right when I decided to go anonymous.
Posted by: | 12/30/2005 at 13:30
oops!!
Posted by: | 12/30/2005 at 13:31
ja,ja,ja; at this point, I don't think there's anything I "should" learn from what you're saying. It's ok if you don't get my point, or if you just disagree with me, but don't tell me what I should do cause then from debate we get into arguing, and that's a waste of time for me.
"Orlando"
Posted by: | 12/30/2005 at 13:36
Kika,
If I were sitting around a coffee house gossiping and we were commenting on this conversation, I would probably be joining you in ridiculing how someone could worry how other people's opionions might affect their personal sex life.
However, "Orlando" happens to be a friend of mine, and I know for a fact he's got ZERO WORRIES in that department! The guy has nothing to be insecure about whatsoever...
What Orlando is really doing is trying to tear down some stereotyping at the same time defending his culture. He's a passionate kind of guy - what can I say, so he gets a little excited sometimes...you're both like that...
I think what you're missing is that you both agree that what individuals do together is unique event and can't be turned into broad generalizations.
Orlando,
I would say after knowing you all this time, is that it's great to try and educate people and tear down stereotypes. But one thing that doesn't necessarily hold true is that your embattled culture is any more maligned than any other, so you gotta take it easy on people you're trying to educate - we're all of us encountering a whole host of stereotypes every day, and guilty of stereotyping every day as well. You want to win them to your way of thinking, not alienate them - the message gets lost if you lose your cool or get defensive.
Anyway, props to you for trying - I know it's exhausting and time-consuming, but don't let it get to you either. These things collect in people's sub-conscious. The world is a better place as a result.
Posted by: chinita | 12/30/2005 at 20:47
Well, hate to shine some light on the situation, but 99.9 percent of men world wide are horrible in bed.
Sorry to have to break it to ya this way but, my observation crosses all nationalities, races and age.
It's not a cuban problem or a foreigner problem it is a man problem.
I do agree that if I were a fine young Cuban banging some shrivelled up 60 year woman from England,Germany or Austria chances are that the encounter would be lacking in sensuality.
The reality is that most women who go to Cuba looking men are usually perverted white women or ugly duckling white women who are not wanted by their own white men. The men in cuba have been screwing these women for years and I really don't think they are looking to go out of their way to satisfy any of them. These white women should just be happy somebody is laying them because if their own men wanted them they wouldn't be flying all the way to Cuba for some sex.
I am a American who has a Cuban lover and he has some incredible bed skills that I have never experienced with any American or European!
Posted by: chinchin | 09/28/2006 at 15:54
I have been seeing a cuban man for ABOUT 4 MONTHS, THAT IS JUST NOT TRUE ABOUT THEM, HE WAS FABULOUS IN BED, AND VERY ROMANTICE, I LOVE HIM TO DEATH, IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT FOR ME.
unfortunately it was the right man but not the right time in our lives to be with each otjher, he was is a rocky relationship with another woman and went back to her. It tore my heart out. I would give anything to meet another cuban man with the passion and love this man had to offer.
Posted by: demi | 01/24/2007 at 22:07
I meet a Cuban Guy a couple weeks ago, there was a connection. he call me from work his cell, when i said let take it slow he stop calling me, i was testing him and he didnt realize it, he failed, I, meet him at a resort, St Augustine Florida.
Posted by: melody | 10/18/2007 at 13:13
in my opinion in order to have amazing sex, both partners must be open, communicate, have chemistry and attraction to each other physically. What brings amazing sex to the other mind blowing level is love. Emotional and physical attractiveness together is the ideal situation, in my opinion. I am in love with a man who is Cuban, he is my husband and i am north american. Now can i say he is an amazing lover, yes i can. Can i say he is this way because he is Cuban, no. I think that in any culture there are good and bad lovers but it all depends on the connection between the 2 people. I have had amazing sex with non cubans as well. I can say in my experience the best sex ever has been with my husband but i do not believe it is because he is Cuban. It is because i connect with him sexually. I dont like myths and stereotypes, they are not the Truth. everyone is entitled to thier own opinion and experience can change ones opinion as well. Remember not ALL black guys have big cocks, and not all white chicks have flat asses! Remember have fun and fuck with all the passion u have!
Posted by: | 01/20/2008 at 23:00
I love most cuban men and most other latino men. Most of them just look good, feel good, are from the south and most are warm, have temperament and know how to talk to a woman.
They have a different culture, and most have stronger family values.
Plus they have this tan (slight or deep) that´s nice.
It´s just my taste.
I´m no whore, i just love looking at gorgeous guys.
Maybe you just had a bad month.
Just look foward and know nobody´s perfect,everyone can at times have doubtful moments about themselves. Concentrate on your good traits for now.
-No one can be loved by everyone & no one can be hated by all. We have our shares of people who love, despice, maybe hate,look down or look up on us.
Posted by: sweet | 03/12/2008 at 21:40
Orlando..thanks for the insight about Cuban men in general. Always have
been curious and I agree with sweet, most Latino men just look good. As
for Latino men being good in bed, I must say, as with all other men out
there. Its about who you are with, its a joint effort and too much emphasis
is being put on the man. If your with someone that just turns you on, than
the sex will be good.
Posted by: Tina | 04/14/2008 at 13:26
All of this is truly hilarious!
This is just like saying white men can't jump, All Latinos dance Salsa etc.
Let's be realistic I have to agree with many previous posts. Everything depends on the individual!
A word of advice for those who travel to Cuba seeking sexual adventures.
That is all that you are going to get. Sex not Love, In order for any man to impress , wine and dine a woman there has to be a motive. If you seek a jinetero/a out this person already knows that you will pay them. They are not going to go the extra mile because frankly we all know that ninety percent of the time there will be no tip. Secondly most of these people are doing these acts out of necessity you might be sleeping with a
Doctor or an Engineer. In any case this person has to go back home to his friends, family and most possibly significant other. This is most usually the case believe it or not. You will most likely have sex with someone who is in love with someone else and wishes you were that person.
Chances of a passionate movie like experience are very very low.
If you want that type of experience go rent Casablanca.
Just something to think about.
Posted by: Jose | 12/08/2008 at 01:05
What you said is absolutely right , Icann't complain of my Cuban husband ; he is a man in all sense of the word. Iam from Panama, and Panamanian women are very very demanded in these things. Remember Cuban men loves to work well the majority which i 've met in Panama.
Posted by: Ginger | 02/03/2009 at 22:03
I got another question to add to this topic.. I'm 23 years old living in Toronto. I met a Cuban guy when I went to Cuba on vacation. He is an awesome guy and doesn't care about money. He's all about living a happy life. I really like the guy and we've been corresponding with one another via e-mail. Do you guys think my Cuban guy is worth pursuing or should I just give up on him and the possibility of anything serious down the road?
Posted by: Cutie Pie | 02/11/2009 at 09:56
My Cuban man is the best lover I have ever had. He is wonderful to me. We have been dating 6 months. He is far more talented in bed than any man I have ever known. He is also far more experienced. I hope we will spend the rest of our lives together, not just because he is a wonderful lover; he is also a wonderful man. As far as economics goes, I agree with most posters that economics is part of reality. We ALL consider whether our potential partner is an asset or liability in terms of their financial as well as physical and psychological health. That's just part of sizing someone up. I don't set out looking for someone with health problems or financial ones. That doesn't mean that is the only criteria I use or that I may not decide that a man is worthy of me if he lacks in any of those areas, just as penis size would not be a determining factor (and, yes, it DOES matter). What concerns me is not if a man admires my income but does he just feel it would add some security to his life or do I look like a meal ticket? I have been a meal ticket before - for a gringo. I am interested in learning more about other's experiences with Cuban men or other Latin men. I will post again later with an email address if you would like to contact me.
Posted by: sweet papya | 02/28/2009 at 12:09
Agreed But I Belive Being Really Good In Bed Would Depend On Each Other.
For Example A Guy Could Be Really Into A Girl And Working His Best Stuff But If The Girl Is Worried About Herself Or Is Not Willing To Open Up,It Can Come Across As Bad.
But Reputations Are Stupid And Most Of Them Are Not True Anyway.Cuban Men Are Wonderful! I Have Had Many Experiences And I Have To Say That There Is Good And Bad In Every Race.
Everyone I Dated Was Nice And Kind,Very Loving.
The People Who Think Otherwise Need To Open Up And Quit Judging Others Based On Nationallity.
Posted by: Sarah Quintana | 04/23/2009 at 16:03
This might be a question for "sweet papaya" (02/28/09) - I just started dating a Cuban man (in the states - not in Cuba) and I don't know anything about Cuban culture. Most American men I've dated have tried to at least hold my hand or move in for an actual kiss (not the double cheek) by now. Not so....so - is this normal with Cuban men? Or is he just looking to be friends? In other words - is he into me or not?
Posted by: seaslover | 08/09/2009 at 19:35